07.09 ciao for now vancouver

I am finally doing it.  This is the year I will face my fears. Some on purpose… others by complete and uncontrollable circumstances that will, and have been, life changing.  I know I will realize that I am stronger than I think I am.  What a turning point this year has been.  For those of you who know me, and if you are reading this, that means you most probably know the details of my 2010.  So I will not go into the big sob story, as this blog is supposed to tell the story of my “Eat Pray Love/How Stella got her Groove back” European adventure, right?!

Leaving Vancouver and saying a temporary goodbye to my friends and family has really shown me that there is no doubt in my mind that Canada is my home.  I could never leave the beautiful city + amazing people in it permanently.  I am deeply touched by the gestures made by my amazing friends in my last few days to help me get on my way.  I cannot thank you all enough! I already miss you all and I have barely left.  You know who you all are, thank you and I love you for making my departure something to remember and to hold on to during the times of loneliness that I know I will encounter.

I am now on the plane, mid-flight, en route to New York via Chicago from Vancouver.  As my plane left the YVR runway, I could not help but burst into tears – not even caring what the two strangers sitting either side of me were thinking. (Yes, I am stuck in the bitch seat.) Today represents the official beginning of my new life (hopefully getting the bitch seat is not a metaphor for this bold statement).  Spending some quality time with myself, I will get to know myself in a completely different level.  I am going to learn, grow, laugh, cry, love, hate, eat, drink, shop, discover, rediscover, get angry, be happy, miss people, get scared, get excited – you name it. Every feeling and verb you can think of I will probably feel in the next 3 months. All by myself (well, with a few exceptions as I am visiting people I know!). But I will conquer all my fears of loneliness and learn to depend on me and only me.  So these tears running down my cheeks are tears of joy I suppose, but also grieving and saying good-bye to the past that has helped shape who I am today.  For that I will be forever grateful and would not change anything about it.   So readers, here goes nothing.  Wish me good luck and good wishes! Think of me often. As I am no doubt thinking of you.

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